Joseph 3 Step Formula: PR Lessons For All From Michael Sam's 'Coming Out'@@

In my book “Where’s My Fifteen Minutes?” I wrote an entire chapter on ‘Coming Out.’ When I first proposed this idea to my co-writer he was frankly, a bit perplexed. He didn’t think it had “broad appeal.” After we finished the book he confessed that it was, in fact, his favorite chapter and perhaps the most important one in the entire book.

You see, it’s not necessarily about living your life as an openly gay person—in simplest terms, it’s about owning your truth.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past week, you have heard that top college football player Michael Sam came out of the closet in advance of the NFL draft. He took a great deal of criticism about coming out in advance of the draft. Let’s be clear—had he come out after, he would have faced criticism for not telling the truth. He not only owned his truth, he put it in perspective and got great respect for his integrity along the way.

I am the PR person who is lucky enough to represent him. And that’s probably not a surprise to anyone who knows me or my history.

I took my first celebrities out of the closet in 1991. For those of us with some mileage—I took out Dick Sargent (The second Darren on BEWITCHED) and Sheila Kuehl (Zelda on THE LOVES AND LIFE OF DOBIE GILLIS).

Since then I have helped more than a dozen celebrities, including Amanda Bearse, Tom Vuillard, Meredith Baxter, Chely Wright, and Don Lemon, live their truth, along with five professional athletes.

Although I have been a PR practitioner for more than 35 years and this is only a very small part of what I do, it is something I am well-known for. And for me it’s one of the most rewarding parts of my job.

In every case there is a “before” and an “after.” Before inevitably involves nerves, anxiety and self-questioning. Afterward, every person feels like a weight has been lifted, they feel empowered and free and honest.

I am very clear that this is their journey and their truth, and I am merely the ‘midwife’ for their honesty. Nonetheless, I like to think that I made their journey easier, less painful and more rewarding.

For most people, coming out involves telling your friends, family and co-workers. For celebrities, they need to take it to another level by telling the world. It’s both a responsibility and an honor for most and a great example that lets society know that the arc of social justice is bending and they are doing their part to end the epidemic of bullying, teen suicide and intolerance.

So what does their story and Michael Sam’s have to do with you? Plenty. We all have hard truths in our life we need to share with people important to us. It may be the beginning or end of a relationship, a health issue or a career decision that is a major change in one’s life. We all share the anxiety and trepidation of telling these life-changing things to those who matter to us.

Here’s what Michael Sam did right that should be instructive to anyone:

This story had a life of its own and was coming out whether he wanted it to or not. By speeding up the announcement before someone else broke the news, Michael was able to “own his truth” and tell his story first and best. In this time of social media it’s too easy for someone with access to your secret to tweet out: I hope you get well soon, sorry about your divorce, or congrats on the new job, before you have a chance to share your story. Don’t let this happen. Be first, be fast.
You don’t have to tell your story hundreds of times. Despite the avalanche of press, Michael really only did two interviews: ESPN and The New York Times. In your life you can write a Facebook post, send an email to family and friends or tell one or two people who matter and let them know it’s OK to tell others. We live in a very viral world. Don’t worry—it will get out there.
Be prepared. Anticipate any negative responses, tough questions and sensitive issues; answer them in a truthful yet consistent and controlled way. I suggest working with a close friend and making a list of tough questions and then rehearse your answers. You’ll find it relives the nerves, results in a consistent story and is truly empowering.
Choose the way you tell it and who you tell it to wisely. You want friends or vehicles that will allow you to “own your truth,” that is, tell your truth in your way and in your words. Stay away from friends who tend to embellish or judge and stick to those communication channels that most allow your own words.
Define yourself in well-rounded terms. For Michael, he says he is a son, a brother, a friend, black, and athlete and gay. Don’t let one part of your life define you—we are all multi-faceted gems that deserve to shine in the best light possible.
Get back to work. In Michael’s case, despite interview requests from virtually every major media outlet in the US, he chose to get on a plane, go to his training facility and focus on being the best football player he can. He clearly wants to send the message that he is an athlete—not an activist.

Your response might not be met with universal support. As I always say, we live in a very polarized world. You may hear the naysayers say things like, "oh, that’s a tough disease to beat—do you have your affairs in order?"; "are you sure you want to split—you may end up alone," or "most small businesses fail—are you sure you want to start your own business and leave a regular paycheck, benefits and a 401k?"

While some of these responses may hurt, they clearly let you know who’s on your side. Don’t let these naysayers get away with it. Explain your decision and if they aren’t with you, be prepared to reduce their role in your life. None of us need, deserve or should be subjected to these poisonous people.

Like the celebrities and athletes I have worked with, I promise that you will feel better after you tell your truth. People will respect your for your honesty and courage and you will feel shocked and amazed at the people who lend their support. Now go out there and live your truth.